I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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