you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I enjoy the company of your penis
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
