I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you had me at cake vodka
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
