I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
