he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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