I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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