Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
