the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
