why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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