1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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