dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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