i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
