Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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