38 yer olds are good kisserssss
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
