You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
