well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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