Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
