so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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