this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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