This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
