i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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