i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
