Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
