I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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