omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
