I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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