I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
