I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
