im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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