I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
