and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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