Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
