he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
