Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
