He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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