I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
