What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
