hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
