i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
