see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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