I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
