My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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