This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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