I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
