I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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