I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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