i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it hurts more in the daytime
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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