i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
