I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
