What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
