Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
